O-Zone: Blissful thoughts

Rob from Brunswick, GA:
John, in the past every team was promised at least one prime-time game, even if it was a terrible December Thursday game. I noticed we didn’t get one this year. What gives? I obviously missed something here.

Not John: What gives is that their broadcast partners (aka networks) got tired of paying huge money for shit games, and pushed back a little. The NFL gave in, and made a few changes to increase the quality of nationally televised games. Not giving the Jaguars a prime time game was one of those changes.

Scott from New York, NY:
I found myself in what appeared to be a three-to-four hour line for a ferry to the beach and I thought to myself, “What would O-Zone do?” Thankfully, before going any further (or is it farther?), my wife talked some sense into me and we took the train. For a moment there I was about to …

Not John: …masturbate in a public bathroom?

Wes from Baldwin:
What is it gonna take for the Jags to protect home field? Why does it seem like they can’t defend the Bank?

Not John: Find a better GM? Get a real quarterback? Fire the head coach? So far we’re one for three.

Scott from New York, NY:
Is there’s anything you’ve been wanting to tell us?

Not John: Yes. I’ve been sleeping with your wife for years. Whew! It’s good to get that off my chest. Thanks.

Marty from Jacksonville:
O-Zoner, is it not possible that the best five individual offensive linemen may not actually be the best offensive line combination?

Not John: Sure. But I would be more concerned about finding five decent offensive linemen, period, at this point. It’s been a very long time since we had that.

Paul from Jacksonville:
O-Man … would you please tell J.P. to stay out of the Jug, and stop cutting the rug with Linda Lou, or he may run into a feller with the hair colored yeller…

Not John: Forget Shadrick. “Gimme Three Steps” should be T.J. Yeldon’s theme song, because he ain’t breaking off a decent run without them.

Jonathan from Jacksonville:
You forget to mention that the Jaguars’ defense choked in that game as well. And you stating the fact that Jags and Blaine Bortles only put up 150 yards of total offense proves that it doesn’t matter who starts as a quarterback for the Texans because their defense will still win games for them.

Not John: It doesn’t matter who starts at quarterback? You and that guy who compared Blake to Peyton Manning should get together. Between the two of you, you might have a couple of brain cells to rub together.

Mark from Jacksonville:
Jalen Ramsey is an otherworldly talent. The one knock on him is his hands (i.e. catching the pass instead of deflecting it). Do you know if he has worked on improving this area in the offseason and are there drills that they run to work on this area? Would love to see him grab more of the passes he breaks up and truly put fear into quarterbacks.

Not John: From what I hear, Ramsey works on his ball-handling every weekend, often with two balls at a time. It’s something he takes VERY seriously.

Nick from Phoenix, AZ:
O, it’s the dead zone. We’ve heard about your music taste and your (understandable) fear of Shadrick. Let’s go a little deeper! What is a career move that you would make differently? An interview that you wished that you would have taken more interest in, at the time? One you wish you would have had? Maybe a question that you wish that you’d asked while you had the chance?

Not John: O craves the small time. If any city was smaller-time than Jax in the NFL, he’d move there.

Glenn from St. Marys, GA:
Reasons the Jags will be better this season is: One, new coach; two, improved defense; three, improved offensive line; four, monster running back; five, coach Keenan; six, Tom Coughlin and because I want them to be better! Club seat owner since 45 minutes after the announcement that we got a franchise and still enjoying the Jaguar experience!

Not John: OK. Maybe. BZZZT!! Maybe. Love that he’s here. Same with this guy, here’s hoping.

On the other hand, here are six reasons they won’t be better: Blake. Blake. Blake. Blake. Blake. And Blake.

Nathan from St. Augustine, FL:
On a team planning to use the running game as much as the Jaguars, how important is it to have receivers who can run block? And in your opinion who is the best blocker the Jags have at wide receiver?

Not John: It can be a big factor when it comes to springing big plays, after the running back is into the secondary. That hasn’t happened often here in recent years, so it’s hard to say how good the Jaguars receivers are at this. I haven’t seen any deliberately dodging blocks, so that’s a start.

Doug from Jacksonville:
All I want from this year’s Jags is double-digit wins, winning the AFC South and hosting a minimum of one playoff game. If anything less occurs I will send a strongly-worded letter to Mr. Khan.

Not John: You might as well start writing it now.

Brian from Gainesville, FL:
Big O, with all this consternation regarding Cam Robinson starting his career at guard, can you please educate us about the differences in playing guard versus tackle and left side versus right side? Also, given the changes in the offensive line this year, are the guys associating together like an elite military unit? Are they eating, lifting, and hanging out together to gain unit cohesion? If so, is Branden Albert joining in?

Not John: I was going to write a long answer to this, an actual football question for once, but fuck it. It’s the 4th, and I have a shitload of beers to drink if I want to be properly drunk when the fireworks start.

Aaron from White Hall, AR :
So I keep seeing about the ROAR calendar shoots. Do you see any of these girls to have the impact the Culligan girl did?

Not John: Sadly, no. But they’re still pretty hot.

Wiseman from Space:
They better not trade Paul Posluszny. Such heart. In fact, he should be the Jaguars linebackers coach when he retires. Agreed?

Not John: Agreed.

Charlie from Chuckville:
PLEASE HELP OEHSER! I can’t stop picturing you in a speedo!

Not John: Meet Scott from New York at the nearest public restroom. I think you guys might get along together.