Bran Hammer Senior writer jags4life.com Follow Bran on twitter Like The Blow-Zone on facebook
JACKSONVILLE – Let’s get to it …
Zone, Pat Flaherty says the Jaguars will be able to run block this season. What makes him think this? They haven’t been able to run block in years.
Not John: He says that because if they don’t, he may not have a job next year. Also, June is too early to admit they can’t run for shit. Get back to me mid-Octoberish.
I SWEAR if I hear or see the words SunPass again, I’m going to scream!!! Aaaarghhhhhhh. Make it stop!!!!
Not John: Girls scream, Ryan. Stop being a pussy.
Will the flex field be ready in time for training camp?
Not John: You again? I guess it’s pussy day at the O-Zone. Yes, it will be ready a few weeks before training camp, right after they perform the various exorcisms, rituals, and spiritual cleansings necessary to ensure that the dark forces inhabiting the current practice fields do not make the covered field their new home.
Can you let Blake know that we, the fans, are sick and tired of being sick and tired?
Not John: Blake’s tired of banging fat chicks, but he keeps soldiering on anyway. If he actually gave a shit about you and the rest of the fans, maybe he would spend a little time studying film instead.
Coach Wash mentioned three stacked backers (more traditional 4-3?) the other day. Does this mean slightly less nickel or was he talking about base downs only?
Not John: It means he’s trashing Gus’s sorry ass scheme and dumb shit position names. Be happy about that.
I’m worried, Zone: I get that the Jaguars have two great cornerbacks – A.J. Bouye and Jalen Ramsey – but they are thi-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-n at corner after that. Bad, planning, Zone. Bad planning.
Not John: You’re right. And it’s probably too late to do anything about it.
Once bitten and twice shy … I keep my distance but you still catch my eye … Tell me baby do you recognize me? … Well it’s been a year, it doesn’t surprise me … I wrapped it up and sent it … With a note saying “I Love You” I meant it … Now I know what a fool I’ve been … But if you kissed me now I know you’d fool me again. You want to make fun of WHAM! still? Those lyrics are deep.
Not John: Wham? Fucking Wham? It really is pussy day at the O-Zone, folks.
#WinToday sounds very similar to Chip Kelly’s #WinTheDay when he was at Oregon … Jags continue to disappoint even integrity marketing efforts.
Not John: I submitted “#WinOrYou’reAllFuckingFired” but it was rejected, as usual. “Too confrontational”, they said. Fuck that. Football is all about confrontation. Non-pussy fans appreciate this.
Are you serious, Clark? Are the Jaguars really going to go into the season with Paul Posluszny playing strong-side linebacker and Myles Jack playing the middle? Why take Posluszny away from what he does well? Why?
Not John: They didn’t trade up to draft Jack so he could ride the bench, Eddie. Poz has been one of the few bright spots for the Jags in recent years, but he’s getting older, and can be a liability in pass coverage. Jack should provide better coverage and better range, so it’s time to see if he can cut it at MLB or not. They can always move him back if necessary.
I know Aaron Colvin hasn’t practiced much, but if healthy do you expect him to make an impact this season as the third corner? We got him for what we thought was a steal in the draft so I’m just wondering if this year it will all come together for him.
Not John: Sure. Why not. Odds of him actually being healthy? Slim.
No chance we go after Kap?
Not John: Why would we do that, Craig? We’ve got more shitty quarterbacks than you can shake a stick at around here already. Plus he still might be better than Blake. That’s a risk Dave isn’t willing to take.
Not gripping the laces when throwing a football isn’t that big a deal. You can throw a nice spiral with or without the laces. What matters is that the ball is accurate and on time. If everything looks pretty then great. Not all of Peyton Manning’s throws were perfect spirals.
Not John: Jeremy, with all due respect, FUCK YOU for daring to compare Blake to Peyton at this point. Seriously, man, do you have a functioning brain? Can you remember to breathe without somebody reminding you? Blake is not even remotely in the same category as Peyton Manning, and NEVER WILL BE.
Can the Jaguars win with Blake Bortles?
Not John: I don’t know. Maybe. But I won’t lie to you, Nelson. It ain’t gonna be easy.
Who would win: every known Sith in the Star Wars extended universe using any means necessary but at sea level, or Obi-wan Kenobi standing on Mount Everest? Asking for a friend.
Not John: Nerd Day is tomorrow, Dylan. This is Pussy Day at the O-Zone. And Dumbass Day, but that’s every day, really.
Bob Sanders, Bob Sanders, Bob Sanders. Why don’t you just gush about J.J. Watt, or post video eating mayonnaise straight from the jar while you’re at it, ya quack?
Not John: Oh yeah? Why don’t you [removed for extreme and graphic violent content – ed]
Let’s play a “what-if game.” If you could add any one player from any team to add to the Jags’ roster knowing that quarterbacks are off-limits. Who would you chose and why?